This is a Transcript of Episode Are You Cooler Than a 5th Grader? by Phoenix107. This is still incomplete so more will be added soon.
Jessie: It's 0700 hours. Outta your cots and hit the mess hall for Eggs Florentine and chocolate Croissants. Okay this rich people food really kills my home military vibe.
Zuri: Here's a fun fact. When you're blow-drying doll hair, high is too high. (She pulls out a doll with a disfigured face.)
Jessie: Oh, uh that's okay, sweetie. Noses are overrated anyway. Just ask Voldemort.
Zuri: (horrified) Don't say his name. (She goes back into her room.)
Luke: Good morning Jessie. (He begins to dance.) Let's get this weekend started.
Jessie: It's Monday.
Luke: Urgh, wake me up on a Saturday.
(Ravi comes out wearing a sherwani)
Ravi: Hello good family. Who's ready to get their learn on?
Jessie: Oh my, whatchu' wearing?
Ravi: It's my sherwani, only worn on very special occasions. Since my tutor says I'm now ready to start school with Emma and Luke, what a special day to wear it.
Luke: Maybe on a day when your nightclub act opens in Vegas.
Jessie: Luke, that happens to be a very beautiful traditional Indian Sherbubi.
Jessie: Sure... wani. My point is you look really great and I know Luke is going to look out for you today.
(Ravi goes back to his room.)
Jessie: (To Luke) You better look out for him.
Luke: How can I miss him? He looks like a traffic cone with hair.
Jessie: Just go get dressed. Your teacher sent enough letters home that you've shown up in your underwear again.
(Emma comes out from her room)
Emma: So, what d'you think about my shoes.
Jessie: I think they look like some sort of medieval torture device.
(Emma walks with her shoes and trips.)
Emma: (while horrified) Pretty hurts, and all my friends will be wearing this in a few months.
Jessie: How do you know?
Emma: Because I'm wearing them now. It's my duty to help the fashion-challenged.
Jessie: Well, you'll just have to do your duty in flats.
(Luke opens the door.)
Luke: (giggles) You said duty.
Jessie: Get dressed.
(Luke closes the door.)
(Scene moves to the school.)
Emma: (To Ravi) Okay, so you have history, then math then shop. Just so you'll know shop doesn't involve shopping. I learnt it the hard way.
(Emma opens her locker.)
Ravi: Thank you but do not worry, I've the school thing wired.
(School bell rings.)
Ravi: Fire! Fire! I will save my new school!
(Ravi opens the cabinet and wraps himself with the hose.)
Luke: That was the school bell, not act-like-an-idiot bell.
Ravi: Alright, what does the idiot bell sound like, because I want to be prepared.
Luke: I think you're prepared.
Emma: Class is starting, I gotta hassle.
(Emma tries to walk with her new shoes but struggles. She finds 2 students walking past her.)
Emma: Room 3-12, please.
(Emma places her arms on the students' heads for support as they all walk to her classroom.)
Ravi: (greeting 2 students passing by.)Ravi K. Ross, please to meet you. Cheerio, fellow pupil. Would you like to see a picture of my lizard?
Luke: Ravi, dial it down.
Ravi: I'm just trying to make friends but nobody seems to notice me.
Luke: Well they're noticing. Look I'm gonna hurry so here's what you need to do: Find one main friend, meet all his friends and bam, you're popular.
Ravi: Oh, I see. Hello friend. (offers a handshake.)
Luke: Gosh. Oh I wish it could be me, but unfortunately, the school has a policy against kids in different grades socialising. I'm in 6th and you're in 5th, just wouldn't be natural.
(School bell rings again.)
Ravi: Fire, class or idiot bell?
Luke: Class. Go!
(Ravi runs away and Finch appears.)
Finch: Luke, Dale Davenport's back, and now so is my nervous rash. (He scratches his rash.)
Luke: I thought he was suspended for a week.
Finch: Well yeah, he was supposed to be but the lunch lady was too scared to testify.
Luke: Okay, just calm down and don't make eye contact.
(Finch looks at Dale and hurriedly cover his face with his shirt.)
Dale: I'm feeling kinda thirsty. Gimme that.
(Dale walks to another kid and takes his juice box)
Dale: 45 grams of sugar? You wanna be all Jerry in class?
(Dale squishes the juice box, with all the juice spewed on the kid.)
Dale: Tomorrow, you better bring me some carrot juice and bring some for yourself too. Your body is a temple, don't make me knock it down. (walks away.)
Finch: Did you make eye contact?
Luke: No, I stopped at the nostrils, they were so flared and he had bats in the cave.
(Scene moves to outside the building.)
Zuri: Why can't we use mom's credit card to buy me a new doll?
Jessie: Because you appreciate things more when you work for them.
Zuri: You think whining for something isn't work? I threw a 4-day tantrum to get that doll. I cried off 2 pounds.
Jessie: That's impressive but selling homemade lemonade is an American tradition. Plus it's an easy way for kids to get pocket money.
Zuri: So are ATMs. Can't we just build one of those?
Jessie: No, you're going to earn for that doll. How much is it anyway? 20/30 bucks? (takes a sip of lemonade.)
(Jessie spits out the lemonade.)
Zuri: 250 if you want an outfit.
(Jessie hangs up the sign on the lemonade stand.)
Jessie:There, how does that look?
Zuri: Is that supposed to be my handwriting because I know which way my 'E's go.
Jessie: It's adorable. Adorable sells.
Zuri: I got your adorable right here. (She pokes her cheek.)
Jessie: You're right, who could say no to that face?
Zuri: Hi Mrs. Chesterfield. Lemonade?
Mrs. Chesterfield: No.
Jessie: Come on. How do you expect a little girl to earn money in the big city?
Mrs. Chesterfield: Do what I did. Marry it.
Jessie: All right Chesterfield doesn't count. She only drinks human blood.
(A police officer walks by.)
Jessie: Oh, lemonade, officer? Half off for New York's finest.
Zuri: Don't be throwing discounts willy nilly.
(Police officers gives a ticket to Jessie.)
Zuri: What is it?
Jessie: It's a ticket for not having a vendor's permit. Great job, officer, you're keeping the streets safe from lemonade? Maybe you'll get promoted to the Snowcone Task Forest. (laughs)
Zuri: Uh oh, he's coming back.
(Jessie and Zuri hurryingly carries the stand.)
(The scene moves to Central Park.)
(Luke is playing with his friends.)
Ravi: Hi brother.
Luke: No. (walks to Ravi) What are you doing here?
Ravi: I'm here to seek admission to your click.
Luke: Ravi, I told you, grades can't mix.
Ravi: At school but this is not school.
Finch: Why is that kid dressed like a marshmallow?
Ravi: This is a cricket uniform. (opens lid of his container full of dragonfire peppers) Dragonfire peppers, anyone? They're hotter than Selena Gomez. I love you Go-Go.
Finch: I'm gonna have to pass.
Ravi: (takes a bite on the pepper.) Okay, your loss, but it is a 6-hour match so do not complain when you get peckish. Now I'm going to hummer in the wickets. (runs away.)
Finch: (To Luke) Wicket? Cricket? That kid can stick it. How do you even know him?
Luke: I-I-I don't really know him. He's my dad's friend's cousin's dog's neighbour.
Ravi: Wickets are almost in.
Luke: Oh no, you busted a sprinkler pipe.
Finch: Oh great, Luke. Your dad's friend's cousin's dog's neighbour just flooded our field. Let's go guys.
Ravi: Hello? Guys? Are we now playing Hide-and-go-seek? I'm afraid they're now playing Hide-from-the-geek.
(Scene goes to the lemonade stand.)
Jessie: You know, this is actually better. We're out of the sun, no bus fumes-
Zuri: and the fuss can't hassle with us.
(Emma is seen in the building, limping.)
Jessie: Hey Emma, are you limping?
Emma: No, I'm not limping. I'm... dancing.
(Emma tries to dance while walking to the lift lobby, presses button and gets into the elevator.)
Jessie: Good thing prom is 4 years away, All right, do not worry Zuri, we'll have your 200 dollars in no time.
Zuri: That's 280 with a ticket.
Jessie: Yes, I can do math.
Zuri: I wasn't sure after seeing your spelling. (points up at the sign.)
(Ravi walks into the building drenched.)
Ravi: Zuri, hit me with a towel, I wish to drown my sorrows in lemonade.
Jessie: Ravi, you're soaking wet, what happened?
Ravi: I was trying to mingle and there was an illegation [?] mishap. It is not easy being the new kid.
Jessie: Tell me about it, I was a military brat, well, I wasn't a brat I was precious.
Ravi: Is this going to take a while? Because this wet uniform is starting to chill.
Jessie: The point is the adult me wants to say, "Just be yourself and everything will be fine." The teenager in me knows that being yourself can sometimes be a one-way ticket to Swirlyville.
Ravi: Ooh, Swirlyville. It sounds like a magical place where everyone gets frozen yoghurt.
Zuri: No, a Swirly is a toilet shampoo.
Ravi: So no sprinkles?
Jessie: Maybe you can find some new admirers and try to be like them.
Ravi: Maybe I could. Thank you Jessie, I know exactly what I'm going to do.
Jessie: Oh really? Oh great 'cause I'm just sort of winging it there.
(Mrs. Chesterfield is seen powerwalking.)
Jessie: Good evening, Mrs Chesterfield.
(Mrs. Chesterfield grunts.)
Mrs. Chesterfield: You cannot sell lemonade in my building, Bessie. It's completely inappropriate.
(Bertram walks by)
Mrs. Chesterfield: Oh hello, Bertie. You wants some fries with that shake?
Bertram: I hate to turn down fries but I'm gonna go with no.
(Bertram walks into the elevator.)
Mrs. Chesterfield: Oh, tease.
Mrs. Chesterfield: (sighs) Why are you still here?
Jessie: Please, Mrs Chesterfield. Let Zuri have her lemonade stand. Do you have to crush a little girl's spirit?
Mrs Chesterfield: Oh, If I don't, who will?
Zuri: It's for a really good cause.
Mrs Chesterfield: Which is?
Zuri: I need a new doll! Hmmm... that sounds a lot less selfish in my head.
Mrs. Chesterfield: Strange little girl, let this be a lesson to you : When life gives you lemons, do not make lemonade. Now peddle your swill elsewhere.
Zuri: That woman needs to lay off the hater raid.
(Scene goes to the school cafeteria.)