This is a Transcript of Episode Are You Cooler Than a 5th Grader? by Phoenix107. This is still incomplete so more will be added soon.


Jessie: It's 0700 hours. Outta your cots and hit the mess hall for Eggs Florentine and chocolate Croissants. Okay this rich people food really kills my home military vibe.

Zuri: Here's a fun fact. When you're blow-drying doll hair, high is too high. (She pulls out a doll with a disfigured face.)

Jessie: Oh, uh that's okay, sweetie. Noses are overrated anyway. Just ask Voldemort.

Zuri: (horrified) Don't say his name. (She goes back into her room.)

Luke: Good morning Jessie. (He begins to dance.) Let's get this weekend started.

Jessie: It's Monday.

Luke: Urgh, wake me up on a Saturday.

(Ravi comes out wearing a sherwani)

Ravi: Hello good family. Who's ready to get their learn on?

Jessie: Oh my, whatchu' wearing?

Ravi: It's my sherwani, only worn on very special occasions. Since my tutor says I'm now ready to start school with Emma and Luke, what a special day to wear it.

Luke: Maybe on a day when your nightclub act opens in Vegas. 

Jessie: Luke, that happens to be a very beautiful traditional Indian Sherbubi.

Ravi: Sherwani.

Jessie: Sure... wani. My point is you look really great and I know Luke is going to look out for you today.

(Ravi goes back to his room.)

Jessie: (To Luke) You better look out for him.

Luke: How can I miss him? He looks like a traffic cone with hair.

Jessie: Just go get dressed. Your teacher sent enough letters home that you've shown up in your underwear again.

(Emma comes out from her room)

Emma: So, what d'you think about my shoes.

Jessie: I think they look like some sort of medieval torture device.

(Emma walks with her shoes and trips.)

Emma: (while horrified) Pretty hurts, and all my friends will be wearing this in a few months.

Jessie: How do you know?

Emma: Because I'm wearing them now. It's my duty to help the fashion-challenged.

Jessie: Well, you'll just have to do your duty in flats.

(Luke opens the door.)

Luke: (giggles) You said duty.

Jessie: Get dressed.

(Luke closes the door.)

(Scene moves to the school.)

Emma: (To Ravi) Okay, so you have history, then math then shop. Just so you'll know shop doesn't involve shopping. I learnt it the hard way.

(Emma opens her locker.)

Ravi: Thank you but do not worry, I've the school thing wired.

(School bell rings.)

Ravi: Fire! Fire! I will save my new school!

(Ravi opens the cabinet and wraps himself with the hose.)

Luke: That was the school bell, not act-like-an-idiot bell.

Ravi: Alright, what does the idiot bell sound like, because I want to be prepared.

Luke: I think you're prepared.

Emma: Class is starting, I gotta hassle.

(Emma tries to walk with her new shoes but struggles. She finds 2 students walking past her.)

Emma: Room 3-12, please.

(Emma places her arms on the students' heads for support as they all walk to her classroom.)

Ravi: (greeting 2 students passing by.)Ravi K. Ross, please to meet you. Cheerio, fellow pupil. Would you like to see a picture of my lizard?

Luke: Ravi, dial it down.

Ravi: I'm just trying to make friends but nobody seems to notice me.

Luke: Well they're noticing. Look I'm gonna hurry so here's what you need to do: Find one main friend, meet all his friends and bam, you're popular.

Ravi: Oh, I see. Hello friend. (offers a handshake.)

Luke: Gosh. Oh I wish it could be me, but unfortunately, the school has a policy against kids in different grades socialising. I'm in 6th and you're in 5th, just wouldn't be natural.

(School bell rings again.)

Ravi: Fire, class or idiot bell?

Luke: Class. Go!

(Ravi runs away and Finch appears.)

Finch: Luke, Dale Davenport's back, and now so is my nervous rash. (He scratches his rash.)

Luke: I thought he was suspended for a week.

Finch: Well yeah, he was supposed to be but the lunch lady was too scared to testify.

Luke: Okay, just calm down and don't make eye contact.

Finch: Right. 

(Finch looks at Dale and hurriedly cover his face with his shirt.)

Dale: I'm feeling kinda thirsty. Gimme that. 

(Dale walks to another kid and takes his juice box)

Dale: 45 grams of sugar? You wanna be all Jerry in class?

(Dale squishes the juice box, with all the juice spewed on the kid.)

Dale: Tomorrow, you better bring me some carrot juice and bring some for yourself too. Your body is a temple, don't make me knock it down. (walks away.)

Finch: Did you make eye contact?

Luke: No, I stopped at the nostrils, they were so flared and he had bats in the cave.

(Scene moves to outside the building.)

Zuri: Why can't we use mom's credit card to buy me a new doll?

Jessie: Because you appreciate things more when you work for them.

Zuri: You think whining for something isn't work? I threw a 4-day tantrum to get that doll. I cried off 2 pounds.

Jessie: That's impressive but selling homemade lemonade is an American tradition. Plus it's an easy way for kids to get pocket money.

Zuri: So are ATMs. Can't we just build one of those?

Jessie: No, you're going to earn for that doll. How much is it anyway? 20/30 bucks? (takes a sip of lemonade.)

Zuri: 200.

(Jessie spits out the lemonade.)

Jessie: What?

Zuri: 250 if you want an outfit.

(Jessie hangs up the sign on the lemonade stand.)

Jessie:There, how does that look?

Zuri: Is that supposed to be my handwriting because I know which way my 'E's go.

Jessie: It's adorable. Adorable sells.

Zuri: I got your adorable right here. (She pokes her cheek.)

Jessie: You're right, who could say no to that face?

Zuri: Hi Mrs. Chesterfield. Lemonade?

Mrs. Chesterfield: No.

Jessie: Come on. How do you expect a little girl to earn money in the big city?

Mrs. Chesterfield: Do what I did. Marry it.

Jessie: All right Chesterfield doesn't count. She only drinks human blood.

(A police officer walks by.)

Jessie: Oh, lemonade, officer? Half off for New York's finest.

Zuri: Don't be throwing discounts willy nilly.

(Police officers gives a ticket to Jessie.)

Zuri: What is it?

Jessie: It's a ticket for not having a vendor's permit. Great job, officer, you're keeping the streets safe from lemonade? Maybe you'll get promoted to the Snowcone Task Forest. (laughs)

Zuri: Uh oh, he's coming back.

Jessie: Run!

(Jessie and Zuri hurryingly carries the stand.)

(The scene moves to Central Park.)

(Luke is playing with his friends.)

Ravi: Hi brother.

Luke: No. (walks to Ravi) What are you doing here?

Ravi: I'm here to seek admission to your click.

Luke: Ravi, I told you, grades can't mix.

Ravi: At school but this is not school.

Finch: Why is that kid dressed like a marshmallow?

Ravi: This is a cricket uniform. (opens lid of his container full of dragonfire peppers) Dragonfire peppers, anyone? They're hotter than Selena Gomez. I love you Go-Go.

Finch: I'm gonna have to pass.

Ravi: (takes a bite on the pepper.) Okay, your loss, but it is a 6-hour match so do not complain when you get peckish. Now I'm going to hummer in the wickets. (runs away.)

Finch: (To Luke) Wicket? Cricket? That kid can stick it. How do you even know him?

Luke: I-I-I don't really know him. He's my dad's friend's cousin's dog's neighbour.

Ravi: Wickets are almost in.

Luke: Oh no, you busted a sprinkler pipe.

Finch: Oh great, Luke. Your dad's friend's cousin's dog's neighbour just flooded our field. Let's go guys.

Ravi: Hello? Guys? Are we now playing Hide-and-go-seek? I'm afraid they're now playing Hide-from-the-geek.

(Scene goes to the lemonade stand.)

Jessie: You know, this is actually better. We're out of the sun, no bus fumes-

Zuri: and the fuss can't hassle with us.

(Emma is seen in the building, limping.)

Jessie: Hey Emma, are you limping?

Emma: No, I'm not limping. I'm... dancing.

(Emma tries to dance while walking to the lift lobby, presses button and gets into the elevator.)

Jessie: Good thing prom is 4 years away, All right, do not worry Zuri, we'll have your 200 dollars in no time.

Zuri: That's 280 with a ticket.

Jessie: Yes, I can do math.

Zuri: I wasn't sure after seeing your spelling. (points up at the sign.)

(Ravi walks into the building drenched.)

Ravi: Zuri, hit me with a towel, I wish to drown my sorrows in lemonade.

Jessie: Ravi, you're soaking wet, what happened?

Ravi: I was trying to mingle and there was an illegation [?] mishap. It is not easy being the new kid.

Jessie: Tell me about it, I was a military brat, well, I wasn't a brat I was precious.

Ravi: Is this going to take a while? Because this wet uniform is starting to chill.

Jessie: The point is the adult me wants to say, "Just be yourself and everything will be fine." The teenager in me knows that being yourself can sometimes be a one-way ticket to Swirlyville.

Ravi: Ooh, Swirlyville. It sounds like a magical place where everyone gets frozen yoghurt.

Zuri: No, a Swirly is a toilet shampoo.

Ravi: So no sprinkles?

Zuri: Sometimes.

Jessie: Maybe you can find some new admirers and try to be like them.

Ravi: Maybe I could. Thank you Jessie, I know exactly what I'm going to do.

Jessie: Oh really? Oh great 'cause I'm just sort of winging it there.

(Mrs. Chesterfield is seen powerwalking.)

Jessie: Good evening, Mrs Chesterfield.

(Mrs. Chesterfield grunts.)

Mrs. Chesterfield: You cannot sell lemonade in my building, Bessie. It's completely inappropriate.

(Bertram walks by)

Mrs. Chesterfield: Oh hello, Bertie. You wants some fries with that shake?

Bertram: I hate to turn down fries but I'm gonna go with no.

(Bertram walks into the elevator.)

Mrs. Chesterfield: Oh, tease.

(Elevator closes.)

Mrs. Chesterfield: (sighs) Why are you still here?

Jessie: Please, Mrs Chesterfield. Let Zuri have her lemonade stand. Do you have to crush a little girl's spirit?

Mrs Chesterfield: Oh, If I don't, who will?

Zuri: It's for a really good cause.

Mrs Chesterfield: Which is?

Zuri: I need a new doll! Hmmm... that sounds a lot less selfish in my head.

Mrs. Chesterfield: Strange little girl, let this be a lesson to you : When life gives you lemons, do not make lemonade. Now peddle your swill elsewhere.

Zuri: That woman needs to lay off the hater raid.

(Scene goes to the school cafeteria.)

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