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Lizard Scales and Wrestling Tales/Transcript

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This is a Transcript for Episode Lizard Scales and Wresting Tales. It is incomplete so more will be added.

Transcript

Jessie: (To Ravi) Aw, sweet outfit, and not everyone needs a girlfriend.

Ravi: I'm running for Reptile Club President. It is a fiercely competitive election, so I'm turning up the heat.

Emma: You might wanna turn it back down.

Jessie: You seem like the obvious choice for that office, I can't believe anyone else would even run.

Luke: I can't believe there are anyone who cares.

Emma: Or anyone in that club.

Zuri: Why are you guys having the election in the park?

Ravi: We're not allowed to use the school ever since Mrs. Kipling turned the class hamster habitat into an All-You-can-eat buffet.

(Christina walks down the stairs into the kitchen with Bertram following behind her carrying her suitcases.)

Christina: (To Bertram) Don't forget to reupholster [?] the couch in Zuri's dollhouse and make sure the kids' formal wear is ready for Morgan's movie premiere next week. Do you have all of my bags?

Bertram: Surprisingly, no. I'll get these bags down to the car.

Luke: Uh, mom. Before you leave, could you help me with something? I'm doing a report on my family history. I wanted to ask you about my birth family.

(Everyone turns to Luke and Christina.)

Christina: Oh, er, now?

(Luke nods his head.)

Christina: Uh, so what do you wanna know?

Luke: Just stuff like who my parents were, and where I'm from. Now that I'm accepted, it's not Krypton.[?]

Christina: Is there any way that we could have this conversation when I'm get back from my trip? Or after you have grandkids? (Turns to the kids.) See you in a few days. Love you. (Kisses Emma) Love you. (Kisses Ravi.) Love you. (Kisses Zuri.) Love you. (Kisses Jessie.)

Jessie: Aw, I feel like part of the family.

Christina: Of course you are. (sniffs Jessie's head.) Quit using my shampoo.

(Theme song plays.)

(Scene moves to the living room.)

(Jessie picks up items for washing and finds a comic book.)

Jessie:Hello~, Captain Firestorm. My temperature is rising.

Luke: Jessie?

Jessie: Oh, uh, I was just burning up, I mean cleaning up.

Luke: For the last time, Captain Firestorm is way out of your league.

Jessie: I know.

Luke: Anyway, could you please ask Mom to tell me about my birth parents? All I know is they were from Detroit, and incredibly good-looking.

Jessie: How d'you know that?

Luke: Hello? (points at his face.)

Jessie: Wonder which one did you get the modesty from.

Luke: C'mon, Jessie. I don't wanna wait till I'm older to find out about my background.

Jessie: Luke, I understand how you feel, okay? It's natural no one answers, but Christina obviously isn't ready to pursue this right now, and I have to respect that.

Luke: Where was all this respect when you used Mom's 'Businesswoman of the Year' award to kill that cockroach?

Jessie: I had no choice. The bugspray only made it angry. Listen Luke, I'm so sorry that I can't help you with it, but I can help you organise your comic book collection. (picks up the Captain Firestorm comic book and opens it and laughs while engrossed in reading.)

Luke: How long has it been since you've had a date?

Jessie: Too long.

(Scene moves to a park.)

(Bertram is seen snoring while asleep with his face on a painting.)

Zuri: Bertram!

Bertram: Huh? (gets up with paint on his face.)

Ravi: Why are you not painting my campaign poster?

Bertram: Oh, because Mrs Kipling took my brush. (points at Mrs Kipling.) Also, I don't care.

Zuri: I'm done. (holds her poster.)

Ravi: "Vote for Ravi or else?" Or else what? You may not have noticed but these guns have no ammo.

Zuri: How did you even win last year?

Ravi: I ran unopposed.

Zuri: Still? (turns around.) Oh look at your opponent. Eileen's over there, schmoozing the band nerds.

Ravi: Oh dear, if she locks [?] up the marching band vote, I am doomed. There is a huge overlap with the reptile club.

Eileen: Hello there, Ravi, how's the losing campaign going?

Ravi: The losing campaign is going just fine. Wait, I did not mean that. did I

Eileen: Well, winning this campaign will be a slither in the park, right, Corny? (gets a high-five from Corny.)

Ravi: Eileen, your reptile club platform is a grok. (Turns to Zuri.) 

Zuri: Okay, clearly you need help. I'm taking over as your campaign manager.

Ravi: What does that mean exactly?

Zuri: I tell you what to do, and you do it.

Ravi: Oh, so pretty much business as usual.

(Scene goes to the balcony.)

(Luke is playing with a tennis ball.)

Emma: Luke, this is killing me.

Luke: What? Seeing me upset?

Emma: No, the incredibly annoying sound of you bouncing this ball for the last hour.

(Emma catches the ball.)

Emma: Look, what if I helped you find your birth parents?

Luke: You? Help me? Why?

Emma: Because if I were adopted I would wanna know. Plus there's a lot about you that needs explaining.

Luke: Okay, the gas thing is because of Bertram's cooking.

Emma: Listen, Mom keeps all her important documents in the log desk drawer. Maybe we'll have information on your adoption.

Luke: Good thinking, Emma. We can get dynamite from Dad's Special Effects guide and blow it open!

Emma: Or Jessie has a set of keys in her purse.

Luke: So we use the dynamite to blow up Jessie's purse!

Emma: I'm already regretting helping you.

(Scene goes to the living room.)

Emma: (To Luke) Here she comes!

(Jessie walks down the stairs.)

Emma: Jessie! Can I talk to you?

Jessie: Oh, I would love to, but I have a killer cavity and I'm already late for the dentist. (walks into the elevator.) Could we talk when I get back?

Emma: I was just wondering how old do you have to be to get married.

(Jessie stops the elevator door from closing and pulls Emma to the couch.)

Jessie: On second thought, I could chew on the other side of my mouth. Okay, why are you talking about getting married?

(Luke slowly gets to Jessie.)

Emma: Because I met this really cute guy and I can't visit him in prison unless I'm his wife.

Jessie: Okay, I wouldn't let you date that guy who got into detention so this is out of the question.

(Luke finds the keys from her bag and sends a signal to Emma. Jessie's about to turn around but Emma pulls her back and forth and pretends to cry.)

Emma: But I love him!

(Luke gets into the other room and Emma stops.)

Emma: On the other hand, I'm too young to be in love.

(Jessie is puzzled and Emma brings her back to the elevator.)

Emma: It's over!

Jessie: Okay those feelings receded faster than my gumline. 

Emma: Have fun at the dentist.

Jessie: And just so we're clear, you are not allowed to get married before I do.

Luke: Amazing work, Emma. Why haven't we teamed up before?

Emma: Probably because I generally find you pretty repulsive.

Luke: Let's see, bills, passports. Woah, check it out. (picks up a piece of paper.) Here's some stuff about my birth mom. Her name is Vanessa Colson.

Emma: And your middle name is Philbert. (laughs)

Luke: Now I know the first question I'm gonna ask my birth mom.

(Scene moves to the theater room.)

(Zuri, Ravi and Bertram are watching a video by Eileen.)

Eileen: Ravi K. Ross, how can he take care of the reptile club when he needs his nanny to take care of him?

(Jessie and Ravi and shown in the video.)

Jessie: Come here, you have smirtz on your face!

Ravi: Jessie!

(Jessie is seen wiping Ravi's face.)

Eileen: I am Eileen Miller and I approve this message: Pay her with hard-earned money.

Bertram: (laughs) That was hysterical! Play it again! Play it again!

(Zuri and Ravi turn to him and Bertram stops laughing.)

Bertram: You know what, I'll watch it later.

(Bertram leaves.)

Ravi: I can never come back from this slander! I am ruined!

Zuri: We can still win this thing! We need to fire back and say negative things about her.

Ravi: Zuri, there is no place for vehement in the reptile club, except of course in the glands of the North politician species. 

Zuri: Politics? You gotta get down and dirty. And lucky for you, I hate baths.

(Scene moves to the kitchen.)

Emma: Luke, look at this. I found a Vanessa Colson who looked into thwart around the time you were born and it seems like you two have a lot in common. 

Luke: Really? 'Cause I can't find anything.

(Emma looks over.)

Emma: It helps if you spelled Detroit correctly, and Mom.

Luke: The Motor-city Mauler is a world-class female wrestler, also known by her real name Vanessa Colson! My mom's a wrestler?! This is amazing!

Emma: That's not all, her signature move is called the 'Pit of pain'.

Luke: She knocks people out with her armpit stench then dances around in victory! Like mother like son!

(Luke starts to cry.)

Emma: Luke, it's okay to cry. You must be going through so many emotions right now.

Luke: That and I caught it with my armpit stench. Sometimes it even takes me by surprise!

(Scene moves to living room.)

Emma: But if we hadn't taken your keys, we would've never found out that Luke's mom is a wrestler named Vanessa Colson.

Luke: And she has a match in New York this afternoon. Clearly it's fate! Please please please can I go? She leaves town tomorrow and I need to meet her.

Jessie: Luke, I know this is huge for you but meeting her is something that your parents should be here for, I-I-I just can't let you go.

(Luke gets up from the couch.)

Jessie: I'm so sorry.

Luke: You should be, this could be the most important night of my life, and you won't help me.

(Luke runs away.)

Emma: I rarely say this, but you're wrong.

Jessie: You say it all the time.

Emma: Do not! See? You're wrong again!

(Emma leaves and Jessie collapses on the couch.)

(Bertram opens the door from the kitchen.)

Bertram: Wow, Luke and Emma seem really upset. Kudos! What's your secret?

Jessie: Bertram, this is serious. Today might be Luke's only chance to meet his birth mom, Vanessa Colson.

Bertram: This doesn't say Colson, it says Olson, the 'C' is blackberry jam.

(Bertram licks his finger and Jessie is disgusted.)

Bertram: What? Sometimes I snack while I'm filing.

Jessie: Wait so Luke's been searching for the wrong woman, oh thank goodness I didn't let him go down to that wrestling match.

Bertram: Oh you mean that wrestling match Luke just told they were going to?

Jessie: Wait,they snuck out? After I told them not to? Does anyone in this house listen to anything I say?

Bertram: Um, sorry I didn't catch that last part.

(Scene goes to the wrestling match.)

Luke: My birth mom is amazing!

Emma: Luke, I'm so happy I can be here to share with this touching moment.

(Luke stands up.)

Luke: Rip her lips off mom!

(Jessie finds Emma and Luke.)

Jessie: Kids! I need to tell you...

Emma: Jessie, why are you dressed like you flashed with some Titans?

Jessie: The match was also about so I had to sneak past security. I stole this costume from Cindy the Slamming Centurian. How did you guys get in?

Emma: We told them our parents were famous. It opens a lot of doors. Zuri's playing Hide-and-seek with the Obamas on Monday.

Jessie: Luke, I have to tell you-

Luke: (terrified) Look out!

(A wrestler is hurled out of the ring, almost landing on them.)

Vanessa Colson: Who's up next to get mauled? (points at Jessie) You're Cindy the Centurian, right?

Jessie: Oh no no no, I'm Jessie the Gentle!

(Vanessa pulls Jessie back by pulling her hair and drags her into the ring.)

Luke: Mom! Let your future daughter long, don't mess up her face!

(The Scene moves back to the park.)

Bertram: Of course I'll record Ravi's speech for you, Christina. I wouldn't miss it for the world, okay bye bye. (hangs up.) Hey kid, do you wanna earn a Crisp dollar bill? Just point and shoot. I hear a peach mango smoothie calling my name.

(Zuri and Ravi are at the bushes.)

Zuri: Only 6 kids showed up for the election? That's pathetic.

Ravi: No, 6 is a record turnout! In your face, haiku club!

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