This is a full transcript of New York, New Nanny, made by MessrSkoonyfootseven.
Jessie: (To cab driver) ...So then my dad, who's in the marine corps, practically blew his flat top when I told him I was moving to New York, but he chilled when I told him I had a great job. (Jessie sips her drink) Do you know where I can find a great job?
(Cab driver closes partition screen, Jessie looks offended)
Jessie: Alright, someone needs some alone time...
(Cab driver takes a violent turn and Jessie is jerked around in the backseat)
Jessie: (While looking through her purse) Wait, my wallet's gone! (Continues fumbling through purse) Someone must have stolen it... (Laughs weakly) I don't suppose I can pay you in lip gloss and breath mints?
(Cab driver pulls over to The Fairfield, and Jessie slams into the partition)
Jessie: They’re wintergreen…
(Jessie is kicked out of the cab and grunts, while Zuri and Tony watch)
Jessie: That was rude! (Jessie’s suitcase is thrown out) Ha, ha, you missed me!
(Jessie is hit with her cup; she rubs her head while Zuri looks amused. Cab drives away. Tony runs over to Jessie.)
Tony: (helps Jessie stand) Whoa, you must be a really bad tipper! I’m Tony.
Jessie: (shakes Tony’s hand) I’m Jessie.
Zuri: (takes one of Jessie’s bras) and I’m guessing this is yours?
Jessie: Oh, thank you sweetie...(Laughs awkwardly) that’s just my... slingshot! (Laughs again)
Zuri: (Laughs) she doesn't know it's a bra!
Nanny Kay (the Ross's old nanny) runs screaming out of the Fairfield lobby)
Zuri: Bye, nanny! …Whatever your name was… (Turns to Jessie) Hey, Jessie, wanna be my new nanny?
Jessie: Aww, thank you sweetie, but I didn’t come all the way from Fort Hood, in Texas, just to be a babysitter. (Stands) I came to New York to follow my dreams, cause this is where dreams come true!
Zuri: (Sarcastically) Yeah. Right. Until then, I like my grilled cheese cut in triangles, and my tutu starched! (Grabs Jessie’s hand and Jessie grabs her purse.)
(Elevator to the Rosses’ apartment opens, showing Jessie pulled along by Zuri. Bertram is dusting the piano.)
Jessie: Whoa! This is like the Astrodome! But with better furniture.
Zuri: Look, Bertram! I found a new nanny in the street! (Jumps up and down) Can we keep her?!
Bertram: If she doesn’t poop on the floor, it’s fine with me. (Dusts a picture frame)
Jessie: Wait, don’t you wanna ask me anymore questions?
Bertram: (sarcastically) do you poop on the floor?
Bertram: (sarcastically) Congratulations! You just made the first cut! Wait here, the parents will be home soon to interview you.
(Zuri pulls Jessie to the couch.)
Jessie: All this, and all I have to do is take care of one, cute little girl! (Pokes Zuri's nose)
(A scream is heard. Jessie turns and watches Luke, Emma, and Ravi chase eachother into the living room)
Emma: LUKE! Give me back my moon! (Tries to take it from Luke)
Luke: No way!
Emma: But I need it for my solar system!
Luke: I'll show you a moon! (He starts to turn, Emma pushes Luke onto Jessie, and Zuri stands)
Jessie: (grunts) -Okay, okay!-
(Emma crawls over Jessie to get to Luke, Ravi does the same. Emma hits Luke with a pillow. Screams are heard, of the Ross children fighting with eachother and Jessie chokes and coughs.)
Jessie: Please tell me those kids are in the wrong apartment!
Zuri: ...Those are my brothers and sister.
Bertram: Or as I call them, the Nannykillers.
Ravi: Luke, Emma, please, violence is never the solution. (Emma hits him with a pillow) To heck with the non-violence! I am on you like stripes on a tiger! (He grabs on to Emma, Emma screams. Pillow fighting resumes on the floor next to the couch.)
Zuri: I'm the good child. Make me brownies.
(Jessie tries to stop the fighting, and grabs Luke)
Jessie: Uh,hey! Release! Release! Huh, usually works with the dogs back home...(sucessfully moves Luke to the couch.)
Luke: Hello, I'm Luke...and you are?
Jessie: Way too old for you. (Luke is hit with a pillow, while Jessie turns to speak with Zuri.) Do you kids fight like this in front of your parents?
(Elevator door opens, showing Morgan and Christina kissing)
Zuri: Sometimes, but they never come up for air long enough to notice...
(Shouting is heard from the kids; Morgan and Christina run to hug them.)
Jessie: (To Bertram) their parents are Morgan and Christina Ross, the famous movie director and supermodel-turned-business-mogul?!
Bertram: (Sarcastically) No, they're sheep farmers.
Christina: (to the Ross children) hey guys, we missed you so much!
Morgan: And we brought presents!
(Ross children plus Jessie shout with delight)
Bertram: Not for you, this isn't Oprah
(Zuri pulls Jessie to the couch, and stands on top of it.)
Zuri: This is Jessie. I want her to be our new nanny.
Luke: So do I!
Christina: Nanny Kay quit? Did she say anything before she left?
Emma: she said you'd be hearing from her lawyers...?
(Christina stares at Morgan, wide-eyed.)
Zuri: And then she said, (screams, Jessie laughs)
Morgan: (changing the subject) who wants to see the cool toy that George Lucas gave me?
(All the children scream 'me', while Morgan pulls out a lightsaber, and swings it)
Jessie: Is that a real lightsaber?!
Morgan: Of course not, it's just a prop... (Swings it, and the chair beside him is cut in half. Everyone looks in shock.) AWESOME! (The kids scream with joy) Oh, maybe we better go let that Ewok out of the toy chest...let's go! (Grabs Zuri and Ravi, and Luke follows them. Christina flips her hair)
Christina: Emma! How is your science project coming? I don't care what those judges said last year, I loved your glitter volcano!
Emma: Mount Fabulous? Thanks Mom, but this year's going to be even better. I have a clipboard and everything. I'm gonna be super-sciency!
Christina: Okay, Daddy and I will be back tomorow in time for your science fair, but first we have to fly to the set of Galactapus 2.
Jessie: (gasps) I loved the original Galactapus! It is the best giant radioactive space octopus movie of all time!
(scene changes to in the kitchen. Only Christina and Jessie are there.)
Christina: Well, according to our security team, you're a straight-A student, a universal blood donor- which could come in handy with our kids-AND, you have a squeaky-clean record! Except for once in third grade, you went to the bathroom without a hall pass...
Jessie: If you tasted the cafeteria food, you'd completely understand... armadillo does not go down easy.
(Christina sighs, and grabs Jessie's hands. She stares at her extrem
Jessie: What'cha doin'...?
Christina: Just gettin a read on ya. I have made a fortune trusting my instincts...that, and slapping my name on everything from sunglasses to cat food. You're hired!
Jessie: (hugs Christina) thank you!
Luke: (runs in, apparently was spying) Mom! Can I date the new nanny?!
Christina: Let me think about it. No!
Luke: Oh well, ours will be a forbidden love...
Jessie: Starting now. (They leave the kitchen.)
(Scene changes to in the hallway with the children's and Jessie's bedrooms. Only Luke is there)
Luke: (knocking on Jessie's door) Hey, babe! (Jessie opens the door) Ready for our date? (Produces flowers from his tux)
Jessie: (takes the flowers and puts them in a vase) we don't have a date.
Luke: But I instructed Bertram to make us boeuf bourguignon!...with extra boeuf!
Jessie: Just hold your boeuf! (Emma walks in, holding a plate of food and her phone) From now on, we're all going to have dinner together...
Jessie: ...as a family!
Emma: Eww, no, I can't eat and look at Luke at the same time!
Luke: And Jessie, don't you think having a bunch of kids on our date is kinda gonna kill the mood?
(Jessie just stares at Luke for a moment, then turns to Zuri's door)
Jessie: Zuri, time for dinner!
Zuri: I'm already eating dinner with my friend, Milly the Mermaid!
Emma: (to Jessie) Zuri has imaginary friends.
Luke: Well, I like my friends real, especially my lady friends... (Smiling at Jessie, Jessie pushes him away)
Jessie: (to Zuri) well, if Milly can flop down stairs, she is welcome to eat with us.
Zuri: Thank you, but she won't do that. Luke makes her uncomfortable. (Everyone stares at Luke)
(Jessie pulls Zuri along.)
Jessie: Ravi, time for dinner! (While walking over to Ravi's door, and knocking. There is no answer, so Jessie reaches to open the door. Luke blocks her.)
Luke: I wouldn't go in there if I were you!
Jessie: Why? Is there going to be some imaginary monster behind the door? (Opens the door, sees Mr. Kipling, screams, and closes the door.)
Emma: That's Mr. Kipling.
Luke: Yeah, Ravi's giant, razor-toothed lizard.
Zuri: But I'm not allowed to have a pony?! That is cold.
(Scene changes, to the Ross children and Jessie having dinner in the kitchen.)
Ravi: I cannot believe that you excluded Mr. Kipling from our family dinner.
Luke: Mr. Kipling was the only thing Ravi brought with him from India when we adopted him last month.
Jessie: (Sarcastically) Oh! So I couldn't board the plane with four ounces of shampoo but he gets to carry on a velociraptor! (The kids look bored, staring at/playing with their food)... So! Isn't this nice? ...Would anyone like to share about their day? (Kids still bored)
Emma: I guess that's a no. Now can I go upstairs and finish my science project?
Jessie: ...Okay, fine.
(Emma excitedly runs upstairs)
Ravi: I must leave too. When Mr. Kipling is alone, he gets scared. (runs upstairs)
Jessie: Of what?
Luke: I'm out too- this date was a total waste of clean underwear!
Jessie: TMI. Now go do your homework.
Luke: You're not the boss of me.
Jessie: Actually, I kind of am.
Zuri: Ooooh, someone's about to flip the table...
Luke: (With exaggerated gestures) well, you know what, babe, that doesn't work for me! In fact, that's it! This relationship is over! (Stops at the stairs) And to think, you coulda had all this! (Dancewalks backwards before going up stairs)
Jessie: He's delusional- Ha, look who I'm talking to, a girl who thinks mermaids are real... (Zuri starts to cry) N-n-n-n-n-no! N-n-n-n-n-n-no, no, what I meant-
Zuri: Milly the Mermaid is real!
Jessie: N-no, Zuri! N-n-no, no-
Zuri: Last time I pick a nanny up out of the gutter!
(Scene changes, to the living room with only Jessie and Bertram in it)
Jessie: Okay, I made everyone cookies...and where did everyone go?
Bertram: Don't know, don't care. I think they might have run away because they hate you.
Jessie: What? Why would you think that?
Bertram: This note I found.
Jessie: (reading) we're running away because we hate you...
Bertram: I read between the lines. And look, the H in 'hick' is backwards! It's adorable.
Jessie: I can't lose all of the kids on my first day! What're the parents going to say?!
Bertram: I have no idea, but I say 'well done!'
Jessie: (sigh) I can't believe they all signed this mean note...even the mermaid!
Bertram: I was going to sign it too but the pen...is so far away...
(Jessie turns and leaves)
(Scene changes to in the lobby of the Fairfield. Only Jessie and Tony are there.)
Jessie: Tony! Have you seen the kids?
Tony: Nah, I never really pay attention to who comes in and out of here.
Jessie: They ran away! I lost four kids in two hours- that's gotta be some kind of record! (Jessie opens the front doors of the building) Oh, they're out there, somewhere!
Tony: They're on the roof...
Tony: ...Flyin in their dad's helicopter.
Jessie: What?! (Jessie looks at the screen and sees the Ross children climb into the helicopter) Oh, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad!
(Scene changes to in the Rosses' apartment. The children + a disheveled Jessie get out of the elevator. The children are laughing.)
Jessie: I cannot believe you kids actually went up in a helicopter!
Luke: we were only a few feet in the air...
Jessie: I was dangling from the landing skis! (The children laugh.) Oh! Oh, you think this is funny!
Emma: Not as funny as your hair!
Jessie: You know what? That's it! Everyone drop and give me twenty! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Hey, that includes Milly the Mermaid. (Zuri laughs.) Alright! If anybody eyeballs me, they're going in the hole! (To Bertram) Do we have a hole?
Bertram: Have you seen my room?
(The scene changes to inside Ravi's bedroom. He is playing a videogame. Jessie comes in.)
Jessie: Hey Ravi. Ravi. (Jessie unplugs Ravi's headphones.) I'm sorry I upset Mr. Kipling, so, I made him some chicken-fried crickets!
Ravi: (while playing the videogame) that is very kind...but Mr. Kipling is still a seething cauldron of anger.
(Jessie looks to a poker-faced Mr. Kipling.)
Jessie: So I see.
Ravi: Stupid videogame! It is like eating hot curry- I love it, but I always get burned in the end!
Jessie: is that World Renegades? Just use the frag rifle. (Jessie picks up the controller and plays the game) Eat lead metalhead! (To Ravi) Not you, you should never eat lead. (With Ravi) Yes!
Ravi: That is brilliant!
Jessie: Here, you try. I'm going to, uh, get Mr. Kipling a snack...
(Ravi puts his headphones back on while Jessie goes to feed Mr. Kipling. The door closes behind her.)
Jessie: Uh oh. Ravi! Ravi!
Ravi: (To videogame) Consume lead, robotic ruffians!
Jessie: Help! I don't want to end as a dinosaur's chew toy! Nice velociraptor... (Screams, while going through tubes to escape Mr. Kipling) Help! Help! Ravi, help! I'm so afraid... Ravi! Ravi! Help! Help, Ravi, help! Ravi! Ravi! (Screams, Jessie slides down a tube and slams into a basket. She blocks the exit she came out of)
Ravi: Yes! I have prevailed! This is much more fun than playing Duck, Duck, Mongoose! Thank you, Jessie, for your excellent tutelage! (Ravi hugs a very shaken and unstable Jessie)
Jessie: You are welcome... now, now if you'll excuse me, I need to change my pants...and not cause they're ripped. (She leaves Ravi's room)
(Scene changes to in the living room, with Emma and Jessie)
Jessie: Emma, can I do anything for you?
Emma: You can pack your bags and move to this planet! (points to a blue planet on her science project.)
Jessie: That's Earth.
Emma: (sees laptop) Oooh! It's Mom and Dad!
Christina: Hi sweetie!
Morgan: Hey honey!
Emma: Hi! Oh, don't look at my project; I want it to be a total surprise for tomorow!
Christina: Em... about your project...we're really sorry, but we're not going to be able to make it.
Emma: Of course not! That would be cheating. I'm making it!
Morgan: No, sweetie, my movie is running way behind schedule, I mean, Galactapus hasn't even devoured Angelina Jolie yet.
Christina: And tomorow is the only day that Angelina can meet with me to discuss endorsing my new clothing line.
Emma: So...you're not going to be able to make the science fair?
Morgan: You know how it is, sweetie, if I fall behind, the studio will fire me.
Christina: We're reallly sorry...
Emma: It's okay- don't worry about it. Bye... (Closes laptop, while her parents say they love her)
Jessie: Emma, you okay?
Emma: Why wouldn't I be? I'm used to it. (Stands and moves to the other side of the couch) They missed my tenth birthday because of the fist Galactopus, and they will probably miss my wedding because of Galactopus 3! I just wish Angelina Jolie would kill that stupid space squid! (Runs upstairs)
Jessie: Emma, wait! Here, I'll help you finish your project! (Trips and drops Emma's project, gasps. Zuri is on the steps.) Oh no.
Zuri: Don't worry Jessie; just do what I do, blame it on Luke! (Turns and yells) Luke! You're in trouble! (Winks at Jessie.)
(Scene changes to in the lobby with the Ross children, Jessie, and Tony.)
Jessie: Hey, Emma, good luck at the science fair, and remember that Pluto may need some extra glue.
Emma: Doesn't matter. But thank you for staying up all night to help fix what Luke broke...
Jessie: You're welcome.
Zuri: (yells) there's the bus!
Jessie: Oh, guys, your lunches! (Throws lunchboxes at Zuri, Ravi, and Luke. They all scream something along the lines of 'ow') Sorry kids...could of been worse, that tuna could've been canned!
Tony: Poor Emma is really disappointed, huh?
Jessie: Yeah, I've been try'na reach her parents all morning, but all I get is a voicemail. (sighs) I need to get up there fast, so I can talk to them!
Tony: Too bad you can't fly a helicopter...
Jessie: Actually, I can!
Tony: You can?
Jessie: Yeah! My dad taught me! He also taught me how to survive in the desert with nothing but a toothpick and a bobbypin...
Tony: Really? My dad taught me how to hotwire a car with a paperclip and a penny. (Throws the keys for the helicopter to Jessie.)
(Scene changes to the set of Galactopus 2.)
Man: Hey! This is a closed set!
Jessie: Oh, I just need to speak to Morgan or Christina Ross. A little girl's happiness is at stake!
Man: You're not that little. And it's creepy to refer to yourself in the third person. (Leads Jessie away)
Jessie: Wait, no, you don't understand- my name is Jessie- Oh! Are they in here, or... (the man closes and locks the door. Jessie has an idea when she sees the costumes.)
(The door opens with Jessie in a costume. She sneaks by the stage crew and ends up onstage.)
Man: Alright, extras come over here and act dead! And remember, corpses, don't smile at the camera! Galactopus 2: This Time It's Personal, Scene 36, Take 1. It's yours, Morgan.
(A fake tentacle grabs Jessie, and lifts her up.)
Jessie: (Screams) Gross! (Screams) At least buy me dinner first! (Screams)
Morgan: (To Christina) Wow, that extra is fantastic!
Christina: She looks really scared!
Jessie: (Screams) Help, help! Keep your tentacles to yourself, Galactopus! (Hits the tentacle, it falls)
Morgan: Cut! (To Christina) That extra broke my tentacle.
Jessie: Morgan! Christina, it's me, Jessie!
Morgan: What are you doing here?
Jessie: I came to tell you how much Emma wants you to be at her science fair.
Morgan: She said it was okay.
Jessie: She lied.
Christina: Oh, well we'll make it up to her!
Jessie: When? Haven't you guys ever wondered why you have revolving nannies? Your kids chase them away because they wanna get your attention! They miss you. And, even if you fire me for saying this, and I lose the best job I've ever had, you need to start being there for them! (Christina and Morgan look at eachother. At the same time, they both say "you're fired" to Jessie) What! N-n-n-no, no, no this is the part where you- you thank me for being honest with you and caring more about your kids than about my job, resulting in warm hugs all around...
Man: That only happens in the movies. (Pulls Jessie away from the set)
(Scene changes to the school where Emma's science fair is hosted.)
Jessie: (To Emma) Hey! Did I make it on time?
Emma: I'm next, but I don't care...
Luke: Me neither! Let's bounce- (Gets up to leave. Jessie stops him)
Jessie: Hey. You're staying, and you (Emma) should care! You worked really hard on this, you should be proud of yourself!
Emma: Jessie, it's not even-
Jessie: Emma, listen- I know your parents can't be here physically, but that doesn't mean they're not with you! They are, believe me. Look, (referring to Emma's solar system project) It's like these planets! They're far away from eachother, right, but they have a gravitational pull. That always keeps them together. No matter what. That's what love is like! It stretches over any distance. It's too strong to be broken.
Judge: Our last contestant is Emma Ross.
Jessie: Go on up there and kick some asteroid! (Emma laughs, and goes up to present her project. Morgan and Christina arrive late. They wave at Emma, Emma waves at them, and Jessie waves at Emma.)
Emma: This is a model of our solar system. (She flips a switch on the proje'ct and it glows and turns.) It demonstrates that even against massive opposing forces, one stronger force can keep everything together. That force is gravy. (Jessie fake coughs to remind Emma) Oh- That force is gravity! (Everyone claps for her)
Christina: Also known as Jessie.
Jessie: You came!
Judge: Well, students- You're all a disgrace and the reason this country is 28th in science! That is, except for Preston, and Emma! Great job, guys. And the winner is...
(A part of Emma's project falls off. The judges discuss this.)
Jessie: (Whispering) I'm so sorry- it's my fault
Emma: (Mouthing/whispering) It's okay.
Judge: And the winner- for her brilliant demonstration that Pluto is no longer considered a planet, thus discussing (
?) previous scientific theory- is Emma Ross! (Everyone cheers, and Emma jumps up and down)
Christina: We are so proud of you!
Emma: Why did you guys change your mind about coming?
Jessie: Because they love you
Christina: And, we realized that being there for you is really more important than any job.
Morgan: Even if I never work for that studio again. Or any other studio! Please Lord dont let me end up in TV...
Jessie: So, let's go celebrate with a nice, family dinner!
Luke: Dibs on sitting next to Jessie! (Morgan laughs, and leads the group out and back home. Luke speaks to Jessie with his hand on her back) and maybe after dinner we could...
Jessie: Forget it, freckles.
(Scene changes to in the kitchen of the Ross apartment. The whole Ross family and Jessie are there.)
Emma: I love victory sprinkles!
Zuri: (turns) uh oh, face freeze!
Morgan: Oh, me too...
Luke: So Ravi... what's your favorite type of ice cream?
Ravi: All of them. In India, we just had one kind- melted.
(Mr. Kipling swipes at Jessie's ice cream and it drops to the floor in front of him)
Jessie: Hey! Mr. Kipling, you already had your dessert! You are grounded, go to your cage! (Mr. Kipling leaves the kitchen.) Gettin pretty good at this nanny stuff.