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One Day Wonders/Transcript

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Transcript for "One Day Wonders"

~kitchen/dining room~

Jessie: Morning, Bertram. I could use a banana, sunscreen, and some peanuts.

Bertram: And I could use a rich girlfriend named Lola. I guess we're both a couple of dreamers.

Jessie: I’m going to spend my day off all by myself in Central Park. The banana’s if I get hungry, the sunscreen’s in case it’s hot, and the peanuts are in case i meet a squirrel. They’re so cute with their little chubby cheeks! (making nibbling sounds)

Bertram: You really are adorable.

Jessie: Aw…

Bertram: Central Park chews up “adorable” and poops it out.

Zuri: (peers from dumbwaiter) I heard the word adorable, so here I am! (climbs out of dumbwaiter) Could I go to the park with you?

Jessie: Oh, sweetie, I would love that, but I need a little time to be alone. Like I was on prom night, when my date dumped me for the entire drill team. But why share my bitterness with you.

Zuri: Please let me come! I need sunlight. Must have vitamin D.

Jessie: Okay. I’ll be alone with you.

Zuri: All better!

~living room~

Luke: Hey, I hear you’re going to the park.

Jessie: And yet, when I call you to do your homework, you don’t hear a thing.

Ravi: So, I hear we are going to the park.

Luke: Yep. Think fast! (throws basketball at Ravi)

(basketball hits Ravi’s forehead)

Ravi: I think… Ouch! (Emma walks by) Emma, are you coming to the park with us?

Emma: Sorry, I’m updating my status. “Just invited to the park. Now sitting on the couch.”

Jessie: Good job, Emma. Keep living life to the fullest. (elevator dings and opens) Bertram? I’m going to the park alone. With Zuri, Ravi, and Luke. And anyone else we happen to meet along the way.

Bertram: Now you know why I always sneak out down the back stairs.

Mr. Kipling: (wearing sunglasses and baseball cap) (hisses)

Bertram: They’re never coming back for you. Let’s go search their rooms for loose change.

~Central Park~

Jessie: Hey, guys, you want to hear a song?

Luke: What’s it about?

Jessie: Oh, a little life lesson I learned.

Luke: See ya.

Ravi: Jessie, I would love to hear your musical stylings.

Jessie: Aw. Thanks, Ravi! (playing out of tune)

Ravi: Oh, look. What an unusual tree! I’m just… (runs away)

Zuri: You’re losing them. People left the Titanic slower.

~kitchen/dining room~

Emma: Bertram, can I ask you a question?

Bertram: I’m real busy cleaning right now. (turns on self-vacuum)

Emma: But this is super important! I’m updating my profile picture. (puts on glasses) Do these make me look smarter?

Bertram: You want to look smarter, stand next to Luke.

Emma: Say cheese, Emma! Cheese! (camera shutter clicking) Hey, Bertram, do you want a new profile picture?

Bertram: No, thank you. I don’t live my life on the computer.

Emma: What life? Don’t you want to know what your high school friends are doing?

Bertram: I know what they’re doing. Time in prison. Although, I have always wondered how Karen Holtzhauer turned out. I kind of liked her.

Emma: (whispering) Karen Holtzhauer. (gasps) More like Karen Hotzhauer! Looks like she lives in New York, she’s single, and she’s not in prison!

Bertram: Wow, she looks even prettier without the mullet.

~Central Park~

Jessie:Had it up to here with these Texas guys

Zuri: It’s coming along.

Ravi: (whimpering)

Jessie: Oh, Ravi. (pulls paper from his face)

Ravi: Ow!

Jessie: Are you all right?

Ravi: I was watching the ducks in the pond when I saw a mob of people running towards me. My instinct was to flee.

Jessie: Ravi, it’s just a 5k run.

Zuri: Didn’t you have runs back in India?

Ravi: Only when I ate bad chicken tikka.

Zuri: Come on, Ravi, let’s leave Jessie alone. She needs to work on her song. A lot. (Ravi and Zuri walk away)

Jessie: Okay… (picks up guitar)

(drum machine playing)

♪ A cowboy hottie put a rope around my heart

♪ And everything was awesome at the start

♪ Then he kissed a bleach blonde waitress and I saw through his disguise

♪ Oh, I’ve had it up to here with these Texas guys ♪

(all cheering)

Jessie: Oh! Thank you!

Luke: New Yorkers, always littering! (picks up money from guitar case and puts in pocket) I’ll take care of that.

Jessie: Where did you come from?

Luke: Oh, my parents say the stork brought me. But the seventh graders have a more interesting theory.

Jessie: New rule. No talking to seventh graders. I thought you didn’t like my music.

Luke: Well, that was before George Washington joined the act. Now, I think we should be a trio.(dances) Five bucks!

Jessie: Hello, Abe Lincoln! Keep dancing, partner.

~penthouse living room~

Bertram: Okay, I’ve washed my face and buttoned my vest. Let’s take my profile picture.

Emma: You can’t take a picture looking like… You.

Bertram: No offense taken.

Emma: We totally need to youthinize you!

Bertram: What?

Emma: You know, make you look younger.

Bertram: Oh, thank goodness.

Emma: (picks up wig) Here, try this on.

Bertram: All right, I’m trusting you.

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