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Where's Zuri?/Transcript

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(scene starts in the park)

Jessie:Hey,that guy's pretty good!

(Stuart stops playing guitar,crowd applauding)

Zuri:And judging from the crowd,he must be really hot...diggety-dog! What happened to Stuart?

Stuart:Good night,Central Park! Remember to tip your nannies!(nods)

Jessie:Wow!

Zuri:Ditto!

Jessie:(walks to Stuart)Stuart,you sound great! And you look(Stuart shows her his style)And I mean this in the nicest possible way,so not like you.

Stuart:Meet Stuart 2.0,the newer,cooler model.

Zuri:(stops Jessie from walking)I can't believe I'm saying this,but I might want to kick the tires and take that cooler model for a test drive. (nods) Know what I mean?

Jessie:(looks at Zuri)I hope not.

Stuart:Honestly,I can't take all the credit for my transformation.

Jessie:So,who does get the credit? And can I get an appointment with them before my high school reunion?(points to her chest)

Stuart:I owe it all to my new nanny,Hudson.

Jessie:Well,where is this miracle worker?

Stuart:He's around. He said if I need him,just blow on this conch shell.(picks up conch shell and blows it)

Hudson:(enters the scene)What's going on,Stu-dog? I'm in the middle of a crazy Ultimate Disc Game.(catches a Frisbee)Whoo! Ow,ow,ow!(throws the Frisbee)

Jessie:What is he,a nanny,or a German shepherd?

Hudson:Hey bro,and bro-citas. (to Jessie)I'm Hudson,and I'm not a nanny,I'm a manny!

Jessie:(chuckles)Well,whatever you are,you're not very good at it. You left your charge unsupervised in the park!

Hudson:No,I left him unsupervised in the deli. He made his own way to the park.

(Jessie stares)

Hudson:Hey,Stu-dog,why don't you and your little friend go dive for pennies in that duck pond? Whoever holds their breath the longest,gets a dollar!

(Zuri and Stuart leave the scene,and play in the water)

Jessie:Do you realize how dangerous that is?

Hudson:Yeah,that's why they're paying for a dollar!

Jessie:Wow,neglectful and cheap. I'm surprised I haven't dated you yet.(points to Hudson)

(theme song plays)

(scene changes to penthouse kitchen)

Ravi:Siblings,fabulous news! This weekend is the Walden Academy talent show! Are either of you going to participate?

Emma:Ha! No.

Luke:Dude,only dorks do that stuff.

(Ravi looks away)

Luke:You're doing it,aren't you?

Ravi:I was the first one to sign up!

(Bertram sighs,and serves food)

Ravi:I plan on wowing the crowd with my cup stacking routine!

Bertram:What the heck is cup stacking?

Ravi:It is the delicate art of briskly stacking cups,then unstacking them,then stacking them again.

Bertram:So your talent is chores?

Ravi:No! Have you not seen the kids do it on the internet? It is very cool!

Emma:Just because it's on the internet,doesn't mean it's very cool! Have you watched Bertram's boy band audition?

Bertram:Actually,would you watch it? Somehow,I'm at -7 views!

Emma:Ravi,I don't want to see you up on stage and embarrass yourself.

Luke:Yeah. I see enough of that in gym class when you try to climb the rope.

Ravi:Seriously,what is the point of that? Hello,they make ladders now! Anyway,if I do not do cup stacking,then what could I do?

Emma:Something people want to see,like a big song and dance routine!

Ravi:That is a great idea,except I cannot sing or dance!

Luke:Well,I could teach you to dance!

Bertram:I could teach you to sing!

Emma:And I could teach you how to do it all with pizzazz and style!

Ravi:You all would do that for me?

Luke:Beats doing homework!

Bertram:Beats doing work-work!

Emma:(giggling)I get to use glitter!

(scene changes to the park)

Jessie:(serves 2 drinks)Zuri,Stuart,did you wash your hands?

Hudson:Aw,come on. Who ever said a little dirt was bad for you?

Jessie:Uh,science! And I'm sure you've noticed by now that Stuart's a bit of a germaphobe.

Stuart:That was the old me. Hudson says living with dirt and pathogens builds my resistance to disease.

Zuri:We live with Luke. We must be immortal.

Jessie:No offense,but that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Hudson:So,I suppose you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom,too?

Jessie:Yes. Yes,I do. And I'm really starting to regret shaking yours.

Hudson:Well,I think kids can pretty much take care of themselves.

Jessie:You're a nanny! Your entire livelihood is based on the fact that kids can't take care of themselves!

Zuri:Jessie,chill! Whatever Hudson's doing,it's working! He's taken the "ew" out of Stuart!

Jessie:Zuri,that's not nice.

Stuart:No,she's right! I used to be a real uptight mess...kind of like you!

Jessie:I am not uptight! OK,kids just need boundaries!

Hudson:Stop worrying so much! You know what they say,kids have 9 lives.

Jessie:That's cats! Cats have 9 lives!

Hudson:Exactly. That's why cats can be anything they want to be when they grow up.

Jessie:No,that's kids!

Hudson:Cats,kids,what is the difference?

Jessie:(chuckles)Wow,I'm glad you're not a pediatrician!

(scene changes to penthouse living room)

Bertram:Now,before you wow them at the talent show,you need to learn some of the basics. Here's a simple major scale.(singing)Do,re,mi,fa,so,la,ti,do!(not singing)Now you try.(singing)Do.

Ravi:(off pitch)Do.

Bertram:Little lower.(singing)Do.

Ravi:(off pitch)Do.

Bertram:Little,little lower.

Ravi:(off pitch)Do,re,mi,fee,fie,foe,fum,(shrilly)do!

(plants stop growing)

Ravi:Nailed it.

Bertram:We'll work on the minor scale right after I pick up a pint of AB positive.

(time changes to night time)

Hudson:Wow,bummer that the planetarium was closed. But at least we got out for some fresh air!

Jessie:This is New York. The only thing fresh was the guy sitting next to me on the subway.

Hudson:Hey,he taught the kids some new words!

Jessie:Yeah,and if you use them,there is a bar of soap in your future.

Stuart:So,I guess rain-check on the planetarium. Don't sweat it,we will reskedge.

Zuri:Great! How about this weekend?

Stuart:Whoa,whoa,whoa! Slow your roll! Stu-dog does not like to be tied down on a leash.)Hudson nods) It'll happen when it happens.

Zuri:I'm available whenever you are. I hope it's soon! I'll be waiting by the phone! Dial it back,Zuri! Too needy! Too needy!

Hudson:Listen,we can still have a killer night under the stars! We'll just go sit on the ledge and look at the real night sky!

(Hudson,Zuri and Stuart walk to the balcony)

Jessie:Wha...Zuri and Stuart cannot sit on the ledge! They might fall! Hudson,feel free.(walks to the balcony)

Hudson:Huh. You can't really see many stars in New York.

Zuri:Unless you count when Jessie gazes at Ryan Gosling through the window at Zabar's.

(Zuri and Stuart laugh)

Jessie:Man,can that guy schmear a bagel.

Hudson:Well,if it's a show in the night sky you want,allow me to oblige. Who wants to see some fireworks!

Zuri:Me!

Stuart:Oh,goodie!

(Zuri looks at Stuart)

Stuart:I mean,(old man voice)that could be dope!

Jessie:You carry illegal fireworks with you?

Hudson:Duh! It would be irresponsible to leave them lying around where they could fall into the wrong hands!

Jessie:I think they already have.

Hudson:Look,would you just relax? I'm a responsible adult! Stop being such a wet blanket!

(scene changes)

(Hudson set off the fireworks with smoke in the balcony,and Jessie is spraying a fire extinguisher at the smoke)

Hudson:We need a wet blanket! We need a wet blanket!

Jessie:And this is why we don't play "Hit the Fern with a Bottle Rocket"!(enters the smoke and sprays)

(scene ends,advertisement break for TV viewers)

(scene continues)

Hudson:Well,everyone's alive,so,no harm,no foul.(chuckles)

Jessie:It's a major foul! You just back-drafted our balcony!

Hudson:Because you made me nervous with all of you hovering!

Jessie:Because you made me nervous with all of your talk about how warning labels are just suggestions!

Stuart:Look,can't you 2 just chillax?

Zuri:Yeah! On the bright side,this life and death situation has brought me and Stuart closer.(holds Stuart)

Jessie:Much like our grill and lounge chair,which are now fused together!

Hudson:We're the ones who should be mad! You put out the fire before we could make s'mores!

(Stuart nods)

Zuri:Thanks a lot,quick-draw!

Jessie:Hudson,I think you should leave. You're obviously a bad influence,and I can't have you around Zuri.

Hudson:Oh,yeah?

Jessie:Mmm-hmm.

Hudson:Well,I can't have you around Stuart! (runs with Stuart to the elevator)I don't want him hanging out with somebody who's such a buzzkill!

Zuri:Now you separate us? Where were you when he was being all creepy and shaved my name in his hair?

Stuart:This is hecka lame,brah! Stu-dog's about to go off!

Jessie and Hudson:Can it,Stu-dog!

(time changes to day)

Luke:Whoa. Please tell me Mrs.Kipling didn't lay that,or we're gonna have a Godzilla situation on our hands.

Emma:This is going to be Ravi's big entrance for the talent show. The egg represents an opportunity to burst out of his shell.

Ravi:(in the egg)Ow-wee! I hurt my hand in this rigid material you used to make the egg!

Emma:It's tissue paper!

Ravi:Yes! But it is 2-ply!

(Emma smashes egg)

(Ravi gets out of the box with an eagle costume out)

Luke:You think dressing Ravi like a chicken is going to help him be popular?

Emma:He's an eagle! Ready to spread his wings and fly!

(Ravi flaps his hands)

Luke:He better fly,because people will be lined up in the hallway to pluck him.

(Emma leaves the scene)

Luke:OK,Ravi,did you practice this opening dance move last night?(breakdances)

Ravi:Does this answer your question?(breakdances incorrectly and grunts)(lands on the couch)

Luke:So,no?

Ravi:I practiced that for 6 hours! I did not do any of my homework...for next week. Naturally,this week is already done.

Luke:Wait a minute. We had school this week?

(Ravi leaves the scene)

(scene changes to kitchen)

Jessie:Zuri,where are you? Quit pouting about Stuart and I'll take you to see any movie you want! Within reason!

Hudson:(knocks on the door quickly and opens it)I can't find Stuart! I think he ran away!

Jessie:Wha... Zuri's missing too!

Hudson:They're probably together.

Jessie:Oh,no! We lost the kids!

Hudson:What are we gonna do?

Jessie:Don't worry,I know how to find Zuri.

Hudson:Becuase your nanny-child bond is so strong that you've developed a 6th sense for knowing exactly where she is?

Jessie:No,no,I put a tracking device on her.(taps phone)Follow me!(walks to the lobby)

(phone beeping,Bertram sleeping)

Jessie:I don't get it! The app says Zuri's in the room!

(beeps get faster)

Jessie:(turns to Bertram) Oh,no! Bertram fell asleep on Zuri!(puts phone back)Help me!

(puts Bertram on the floor and searches for Zuri)

Bertram:What are you looking for?

Hudson:A Zuri pancake!

Jessie:Oh,thank goodness! Zuri's not crushed! Although,(holds a pillow)I think I can hear this pillow crying!(puts pillow down)Here's Zuri's watch!

Bertram:I could have told you what time is was without you throwing me off the couch!

Hudson:(scoffs)I'm just amazed it still works!

(Bertram and Hudson laugh)

Bertram:(pats Hudson)Oh,great,another person in my life (angry) to hate!

Hudson:I don't want to lose my job! I can't go back to teaching yoga! It's too high-pressure!

Jessie:Then help me find them!

Hudson:Stuart! Little dude! Let me hear you! Blow that conch shell,Stu-dog!(runs to the balcony)

(cars honking)

Hudson:Uh...I can't hear the signal over all those road-raging cabbies!

Jessie:And this is one of the many,many reasons we do not communicate via seashell!(runs away with Hudson)

(scene ends,advertisement break for TV viewers)

(scene changes to the park)

Hudson:There's no sign of Stuart anywhere!

Jessie:Zuri either! And I went to all of her favorite places. The zoo,the free sample bakery,the Rooty-Tooty Cowboy Bootery(Miranda Lambert's doing a chaps signing there today).

Hudson:Well,I struck out at the Flaxseed Emporium. Stuart's really into fiber.

Jessie:Hmm.

Hudson:How did this happen?

Jessie:Oh,because both of his parents are bowel surgeons.

Hudson:No,I mean how did everything get so messed up? I came to New York to become a famous novelist,then fell out of a cab,then lucked into a gig as Stuart's nanny. And now I'm blowing it all! Ah,you wouldn't understand what that's like.

Jessie:Are you kidding? You're basically me with man hands!

Hudson:These hands aren't fit to husk Stuart's flaxseeds!

Jessie:I just can't believe they ran off without saying anything.

Hudson:Yeah. Stuart really should have put that in the note he left.

Jessie:He left a note?

Hudson:I know,right? What kid doesn't text these days?

Jessie:(pulls out note) It says they're going to hang out under the stars.

Hudson:I just thought that meant they were going to hide from us until it got dark.

Jessie:(hands back note)Or they went somewhere where they can see the stars right now.

Hudson:I see what you're saying! Zuri and Stuart went to (in unison)Hollywood!

Jessie:(in unison)The planetarium!

Hudson:Right. The planetarium. That makes more sense.(walks away with Jessie)

(scene changes to planetarium)

(Zuri and Stuart sit down)

(galaxy music plays)

Zuri:Stuart,this is so romantic.

(a galaxy shows on the screen)

Zuri:Um,aren't you gonna tell me my eyes twinkle brighter than all the stars in the galaxy?

Stuart:Nah,Stu-dog doesn't do all that.

Zuri:Well,are you going to say anything nice about me?

Stuart:You're a'ight.

Zuri:You know,I'm not so sure I like the new Stuart.

Stuart:What's not to like,babe?

Zuri:You used to be the one who did all the chasing,and now I'm doing that! And it is way too much work! I'm a chasee,not a chaser!

Stuart:But I thought you hated the way I used to come on so strong!

Zuri:(sighs)Look,just because a person doesn't want to go to the party,doesn't mean they don't want to be invited.

Stuart:So,you're saying you really liked being worshipped?

Zuri:Duh! I want the old Stuart back.

Stuart:Really?

(Zuri nods)

Stuart:Done!(rips off jacket and pants and takes off glasses)Whew! What a relief!(puts a bow on)Welcome back,old friend.(takes old glasses out)

Zuri:Welcome back,Stuart.Now,let's get this universe started.

Stuart:OK,but the beauty of the heavens could never compare to the beauty right in front of me.

Zuri:Aw! That's more like it.

(Stuart turns the projector volume louder)

(loud humming)

(sign says "DO NOT RUN THE PROJECTOR DURING RENOVATIONS")

Zuri:(shouting)It's too loud!

Stuart:(shouting)There are no clouds! This is about the Big Bang!

(walls rumbling)

(bang happens on the screen)

(ladder falls)

Stuart:(shouting)Zuri?

Zuri:(screaming)

(Zuri gets trapped by the ladder)

Zuri:I'm OK,but that bang was too big!

(scene changes to the park)

(people applauding for a girl at a talent show)

Emma:Bertram,how did Ravi's singing lessons go?

Bertram:Let's just say there are no flowers left alive in the penthouse.

Emma:Ugh. Luke,any chance Ravi's dancing is going to knock the crowd off their feet?

Luke:The only person getting knocked off his feet will be Ravi. Seriously,it's like he's dancing in swim fins!

Emma:Well,hopefully he won't get the chance to embarrass himself. Unless he's been secretly lifting weights,he's never getting out of that egg.

(scene changes to planetarium)

Zuri:Help! I'm stuck!(trying to get out) Help me!

Stuart:I'm sorry,Zuri,it's too heavy! This is no job for a wordsmith!(grunting)

Zuri:Then run and get help!

Stuart:Running is also no job for a wordsmith!

(Jessie and Hudson enter the scene)

Hudson:Stuart,there you are!

Jessie:Where's Zuri?

Stuart:She's under the scaffolding!

Jessie:(gasps)

Stuart:Fret not,me sweet,authority figures are here!

Zuri:Someone get this off of me!

Hudson:(stammers)You can't possibly lift that!

Jessie:(lifts ladder,grunting)

Stuart:(helps Zuri get out)

Hudson:How did you lift that?

Jessie:(drops ladder,sighs)When one of my kids is in trouble,my super-human nanmy strength kicks in.(walks to Zuri)Oh!(hugs Zuri hard)

Zuri:I think your nanny strength is still kicking.

Jessie:(stops hugging Zuri)Sorry. It's kinda hard to turn it off. You should not have run away!

Hudson:You either,Stuart! You 2 are so grinded!

Jessie:He means grounded!

(Hudson nods)

Zuri:Well,you left us no choice!

Stuart:Why should your petty squabbles get in the way of out resplendent love?

Hudson:I see Stuart 1.0 is back.

Jessie:Which is actually good news,because I need someone to do my taxes.

Stuart:I am not fudging one deduction for you until you 2 make up,so Zuri and I can hang out together.(nods)

Hudson:Well,Jessie,(clears throat)maybe you were right about me being a tad irresponsible.

Jessie:A tad? You asked the zookeeper if Stuart could swim with the polar bears!

Zuri:Jessie,do you want to make nice,or do you want an audit?(points)

Jessie:OK,OK! I'm sorry that Hudson and I didn't think about your feelings. And...I'm sure he's not as irresponsible as I thought he was.

Hudson:Thank you,Jessie!(laughing)OK,who wants to go base jump off the Statue of Liberty?(holds Zuri and Stuart)

Jessie:Great idea! Why din't I pack a parachute for you.

Hudson:Well,thank you,Jessie!(runs away)

(scene changes to the park)

Emma:Jessie,where have you been?

Jessie:Oh,well,you know how I always tell you kids,never run off to a planetarium closed for renovations because tumbling scaffolding could crush you to death?

Emma:No.

Jessie:Uh,well,apparently I should have. Has Ravi gone on yet?

Luke:Well,the audience is still here,so...no.

Ravi:(walks to the stage)Ladies and gentlemen,my apologies. I will not be performing the song and dance routine listed in your program. I am not a singer,nor a dancer,nor someone capable of breaking through multi-ply material. My talent lies in being myself. (walks to the table)

Emma:Oh,no! He's going to be himself!

Ravi:And now,I give you the art of cup stacking.

Luke:After this,the only way he'll be safe from moogies is if he's home-schooled.

Zuri:Not that safe.(punches hand)

Ravi:Hit it,Mrs.Kipling!

(Mrs.Kipling uses her tail to start the music)

(upbeat music plays)

(Ravi stacking cups)

(audience look in shock)

(Ravi smiles)

(Mrs.Kipling growls)

(Ravi continues stacking)

(Ravi throwing cups that land on Mrs.Kipling's tail

(Mrs.Kipling growls)

(music ends)

Luke:That was awesome!

(crowd cheering and applauding)

(Ravi smiles)

(man gives Ravi a trophy)

Ravi:Wait,who am I supposed to give this to?

Jessie:No,Ravi,it's yours! You won!

(Ravi gasps)

Jessie:Oh! (hugs Ravi) I'm so proud of you!

Ravi:I won? I won! Oh,joy! So this is what being popular feels like? No wonder Emma is always so bubbly.

Luke:Congratulations,Ravi!(hugs Ravi)I'm sorry I told you to change your act.

Emma:And,I'm sorry we tried to turn you into something you're not.

Bertram:And I'm sorry I ever bothered to get involved in your pathetic little life.(pats Ravi)

Ravi:Your apologies are accepted. Hey! Next year,let us do a family act! Jessie,you can be in it,too!

Jessie:(chuckles)Ravi,that's sweet,but no thank you.

Ravi:You know,several Walden parents have big showbiz connections.

Jessie:In that case,try to keep the audience here. I'm going to run upstairs and grab my baton,my tap shoes,and(scoffs)where am I going to find a monkey on such short notice?(runs away)

(pause)

Bertram:Go,go,go!

(all run)

(scene changes to penthouse balcony)

(Hudson enters while carrying box of fireworks)

Hudson:Hey,Jess.

Jessie:Hey,Hudson. Oh,no,did Stuart's parents fire you? Wow,you don't own a lot of stuff.

Hudson:No,I brought this over to show you that I am turning over a new leaf. These are all of my illegal fireworks. I will not be needing them anymore.

Jessie:Hmm. Well,that is very mature of you. But,I don't want them. Why don't you just throw them away?

Hudson:Sure thing!(stares at the fireplace)

Jessie:(stares at Hudson)

(scene changes to front door of penthouse)

(fire truck sirens blaring)

(Firemen enter the penthouse)

Jessie:I meant dispose of them properly,not throw them in the fireplace!

Hudson:I have so much to learn from you about how to be a nanny.

Jessie:Well,I'll lent you my nanny handbook.

(handbook drops and burns)

Jessie:Never mind,you'll have to get your own.

Hudson:Thanks. But,it's never gonna teach me to be as good with kids as you.

Jessie:(scoffs)(yells)The kids!(runs to the penthouse)

Hudson:(smiles)My wallet!(runs with Jessie to the penthouse)

(credits display)

(people walk away from Emma,Luke,Ravi,Zuri,and Stuart)

Ravi:(looks around)Where are they going?

Emma:I don't know,it's not like she has any money up there!

Luke:I hope it's not to get her diary! 'Cause,I got that right here.(laughing)

Stuart:I can't believe they just left us alone on the streets of New York!

Zuri:(scoffs)They are terrible nannies.

(all nod)

END

Written by Danielklee92

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